Across the Miles, Close at Heart: Celebrating Grandparents at The Commons

For Ellen and Stu K. and Merry and Terry R., grandparenthood is shaped by shared traditions, lasting values and staying closely connected as their families grow.

Grandparenthood changes as families grow. Sleepovers, games and afternoons spent cheering from the sidelines eventually give way to college, careers and lives of their own.

For Ellen and Stu K. and Merry and Terry R., those changes have only added new layers to the relationships they share with their grandchildren. As Independent Living residents at The Commons in Lincoln, they have the freedom to stay closely connected to family while continuing to enjoy full, active lives of their own.

A Lifetime of Family Memories

Ellen and Stu have been married for over 64 years and have two children and two grandsons, Elias and Jordan. When their grandsons were younger, Ellen and Stu were deeply involved in their lives, attending theater productions, going to athletic events and taking Road Scholar trips together.

Some of their favorite memories were made at their summer home on the South Charlton Reservoir, where the boys spent time with them on the water. They also shared annual New Year’s weekends with a close-knit group of theater friends and their families.

Trips to New York became another tradition. Ellen and Stu would bring their grandsons to Broadway, sometimes seeing four shows in three days. Wicked was always a favorite.

Today, more than three years after moving to The Commons from nearby Waltham, Massachusetts, Ellen and Stu continue to enjoy the people, places and relationships that have long been important to them. They still see their longtime doctors, frequent favorite restaurants and stay closely connected with family. To them, moving to The Commons was not about leaving their previous life behind. It was, as they describe it, simply “another phase.”

Sharing Passions and Perspective

Their love of theater became something they could share with their grandchildren. Elias performed in high school and once joined Ellen in a production at The Commons. She sent him the script in advance, picked him up in Worcester and rehearsed with him in the car before the performance.

“It’s nice to share something when it is a passion of yours with the grandkids,” Ellen says.

For Ellen, the greatest reward of grandparenthood is “watching them become who they are becoming.” Elias and Jordan are no longer children, and she takes pride in seeing them grow into young men.

With his signature sense of humor, Stu sums up one of the joys of being a grandparent: “Grandchildren are the gift you get for putting up with your own children.”

Ellen and Stu’s grandsons are now 21 and 24. They stay connected through phone calls and family outings, including recent birthday brunches. Rather than waiting for everyone to visit, Ellen and Stu often meet their family halfway for dinner. Their son lives in Manhattan, and their daughter works at Boston Children’s Hospital, so time together may mean a restaurant in Chestnut Hill, a trip to New York or simply spending a few quiet days together.

The freedom of Independent Living supports the life they want to continue leading. Without many of the responsibilities that come with maintaining a house, Ellen and Stu have more time for family and the interests they enjoy at The Commons, including singing and theater.

Their children appreciate that choice, too. As Stu puts it, they are happy “that they do not have to worry about it.”

For Merry and Terry R., family has grown from three children to seven grandchildren and now a great-granddaughter. When the grandchildren were young, their longtime Belmont home was a familiar place for overnight stays, games and special occasions.

One particularly memorable time came when their youngest daughter and baby granddaughter Hannah lived with them for several months while their home was being built.

“That was a really meaningful time,” Merry recalls.

After 48 years in Belmont, Merry and Terry chose The Commons because they were ready for fewer household responsibilities and greater freedom to enjoy retirement on their own terms. Their move did not change the importance of family in their lives. Instead, it gave them more flexibility to spend their time on the people, activities and experiences that matter to them.

Merry also believes grandparenthood brings a different kind of patience. She and Terry tried to teach their grandchildren kindness, politeness and the importance of talking through disagreements.

“I think for grandparents, it is having more patience,” she says. “More understanding.”

Terry sees grandparents as “anchors” who can offer experience, family history and a steady connection across generations.

Merry and Terry’s family now stretches from Massachusetts to Maine and New Jersey. Technology helps bridge those miles, with FaceTime giving Terry another way to build a close relationship with great-granddaughter Norah.

But when the opportunity arises, time together still happens in person. Recently, Terry headed into Boston for a Red Sox game at Fenway Park with his children and grandchildren. The gathering was a vibrant example of how family time continues as grandchildren grow older.

The Gift of Staying Connected

For Ellen and Stu and Merry and Terry, this chapter at The Commons is not about slowing down or stepping away from the lives they have built. It is about having greater freedom to keep living them.

Their grandchildren may be older, and their families may be spread across more miles, but the relationships remain strong—sustained through shared passions, family traditions, trips, phone calls, FaceTime and simply making the effort to be together.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts grandparents can give: a lifetime of memories, a steady source of wisdom and an example for younger generations of what it means to continue living fully at every stage of life.